-nytimes, cover to cover, and yes I skimmed the sports section (go RU for getting a...
Yesterday, I finally got to drive back to Ann Arbor. It felt so good to be back and to see familiar faces that I’ve missed with only...
does anyone else wake up in the middle of their dream, and you just love the dream you’re having so much and you try to go back...
Drove an 80 year old Vietnamese woman home today.
She was sitting in the hair salon when I got my hair cut, and the hair stylist told me a little bit about her - six children, and a not-so-nice husband, and that she was out of breath when she got to the salon. Apparently this has happened before - only last time it was cold and snowing. It was lucky that the next person was also Vietnamese so we had her translate what the woman was saying.
You wonder where her children are. You wonder how she’s lived with a husband who treats her poorly for all these years. You wonder how much she understands when you’re talking to her - if she’s even mentally capable of fully comprehending.
But when she smiled and grabbed on to my arm when I offered to drive her home, I was reminded of my own grandparents, and my parents. I would hope that if they ever needed help, someone would do the same for them - hell, hopefully I’ll live to be that old, and maybe I’ll need some help too.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, but I guess the whole ordeal got me thinking.
Some people like to think they’re awesome, even when they’re not. Yet society tells us to encourage everyone, and thus, at times, it encourages people to lie to their friends.
They say that problems arise when you deviate from social norms and tell people that they need to work on their skills some more, because relationships crumble when feelings are hurt, but really, this is the lesser of two evils, if you consider it to be one.
The fact that you let the status quo continue to manifest and develop when things aren’t right is a problem in itself, and only creates larger problems, as you let your friends live in delusions. Sure, it’s never fun to be told that you’re messing up, but the person who dares to do so is trying to push you to be better, and trying to save you from repeating the same mistakes.
Learning to separate criticism from personal attacks is essential, because everyone is going to get criticism in life and you can’t let every little thing get you down.
Last Edited 3/3/13
*I apologize to those who took offense to the original tone of the piece, and I thank you for letting me know how you felt about it (No, I do not hate you, and I appreciate your candor). I do try to write to stir up emotions and get a discussion started, because we need more of that in our lives, rather than complacent nonchalance. That being said, I hope that the original message still gets across, because I strongly believe we should strive for a world where constructive criticism is exchanged with no hard feelings, and there is an understanding that we are simply trying to make the world a little bit better - one step at a time.
Drafted in 2011, completed in 2012.
After TAF (2011), I initially walked away thinking, “I’m going to be the one who forgives others, and gives them a second chance”. For those of you who know me, this is pretty out of character, and to be honest, I’m kind of scared because I’m setting myself up to get hurt again. As someone who grew up in multiple places, having friends leave you behind sucks - a lot. Friends shouldn’t be taken for granted.
Our speaker reminded me that the three parts of forgiveness include Asking, Giving, and Being. Asking is definitely the most humbling of the three, and it happens a lot less than it should. I also think that Asking is the most important of the three. It means that you recognize that you’ve hurt somebody else and that you want to try and right your wrong.
Now, over a year later, like I predicted, this mentality has just created more pain for me. People (in general) are really selfish, especially in college. There are only a few exceptions to this rule, so most likely, you are too.
As I’m trying to figure out where my core support team is within my web of friends all across the country/world, I find myself running into people who either detract from well-being, or just take my existence for granted. The game has changed from year ago. Now, Detract enough and you end up here.
But even if you don’t hit that level, at some point, I’m out. I can’t keep giving and giving and giving. Who’s going to fill my cup when I’m empty from filling yours? The selfishness starts making me wonder if we really are friends.
To be continued.
Studies have been circling around the internet for the past year or two about how Facebook can make you sad. Due to social norms, we even make connections with people, we might not want to. It’s time to take control over your life again. Here are two tips to control who you see and who you don’t. While I’m a fan of connecting and maintaining relationships, some people just make things worse. Out of sight, out of mind.
1. Control your chat list
i. If you’re bothered by someone showing up on your chat list, just click through the individual settings cog:
ii. If you want to turn chat back on (or if you want to block others), click through the settings cog for the chat client overall:
2. Control your newsfeed
i. Get rid of people you don’t need - uncheck “Show in Newsfeed” for the friends you don’t need to see.
ii. More options can be found when you hide posts - An upside down caret shows up when you hover over a newsfeed post. Get rid of what you don’t need, from people you don’t need.
All in all, we need to clean up our lives. Our brains and hearts don’t have the space to waste on people who make things worse.
You only find out just how much “friendships” mean to people after going separate ways.
Like any relationship, it’s heartbreaking to have your efforts not be reciprocated, because it means that they just don’t care as much as you do.